It’s Been One Year

(Due to a few glitches, this post is 2 days late) A year ago today, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. My birth experience,  however, was nothing to gush over.  It was not joyous. It was not exciting.  Nothing went the way I had planned it to be.  Nothing. But the last […]

Brecken’s Leaf

On the morning of January 9th, 2013, when Brecken was already at the children’s hospital and I was still at the hospital I birthed him in here in Appleton,  a lactation consultant walked into my room to get me to start pumping right away.  Thank goodness someone was thinking about my boobs because since I […]


Since the loss of Brecken, I’ve been meeting up and chatting up with other mamma’s who also lost an infant.  I’ve joined a mom group on Facebook to socialize and get to know other mamma’s out there.  I need this social interaction.  I like being a part of this Facebook group because it allows me […]

Still Dealing

My thoughts are all so jumbled about what I’m thinking that I really don’t have a clue as to where to start.  It’s so incredibly lonely right now being a mother of a deceased infant.  It feels like I am constantly reading status updates from Facebook friends about getting pregnant or announcing the arrival of […]

Brecken’s Urn

Shortly after Brecken had died, I had commissioned my cousin to make his urn.  I thought it’d be more meaningful to have someone make a personalized final resting place as opposed to buying something manufactured and that every other Joe-blow who was cremated could be put in to. This was my baby and he was […]

A Year Ago Today….

A year ago today, I peed on a stick.  Well, actually, three of them. I couldn’t even finish putting my pants back on before the two little pink lines showed up.  I remember being in a shocking disbelief. I had it in my head that because I wanted children so much, that there was going […]

Celebration of Life

A few days ago, I attended a Celebration of Life event held by the Visiting Nurses Association (Hospice). It’s an event held every 6 months to remember those who died while in their care.  I had to go alone, as Torry was working 2nd shift. I didn’t really know what to expect. When I first […]

Riddled With Guilt

I shared this quote on  Facebook back in February.  I recently came across it again and it just it’s me hard. I’ve been struggling so much with my emotions.  Everyday I’m replaying  specific events that had taken place from the moment my water first broke until even after Brecken’s death. I am so heart broken. […]