A little PSA

This is going to be sort of

a PSA to anyone and everyone.  This topic is one I take

to heart as I personally went through it and endured the hateful, hurtful words

from three separate people.  Females to be exact with two of them being mother’s themselves.

The words they have spit at me have been replaying in my mind over and over and I just cannot get

over how anyone could say this to a pregnant mother about to have her baby.  All three females

(I feel uncomfortable referring to them as women because none of their actions have been worthy enough

to be deemed as such) are [were] close to us.  All three females are related to us.

Now let me tell you all something,

     when a woman is pregnant, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Sure,

there are all sorts of fun times, like when you first find out, picking out names, decorating the nursery,

finding out the gender, seeing him/her on the ultrasound for the first time.  We think about the happy future

we’re going to have and begin to dream of the life our child will grow up in.  But we all also have many, many fears

that roll through our minds on a regular basis.  Just because we are pregnant, doesn’t necessarily mean that all will

be well.  There are miscarriage risk factors and endless possibilities as to something happening to our precious

cargos in utero.  Just because we may have passed the typical ‘safe’ point, does not constitute a

guarantee that our child will survive a pregnancy.

 Just to be extra clear, all pregnant women are aware

of this!!! 

It is a constant fear we have no matter how good things are looking.

This is NOT something we need to be reminded of by others.

It seems, though, that

some people just don’t understand that, or the magnitude of stress a pregnant woman is under already.

Now, shockingly, as I said earlier, two of the three of these females are mothers.

Let me tell you about what these three woman have said to me in the last few weeks of pregnancy (and some

after Brecken had died)

We’ll start with female A. Mother of two, married, and pretty much cannot wait for her

own children to get knocked up just so she can be a grandmother. She had commented on my

Facebook status about my awesome results from my gestational diabetes test.  This test,

however, was not done in the traditional way that most pregnant women get. It was a simple blood draw.

No nasty concoction to drink for me! I was super relieved because I had this fear that

I would have tested positive.  I shared this joy with my Facebook friends.  But female A, however,

took no joy in it (as most things throughout my pregnancy).  She began to tell me how

the test I had taken was incorrect and that my midwives were not suited to be practicing.

Among the many things she had to rant about regarding the particular test I took, she also

began to tell me that diabetes runs in the family, supposedly my own mother had it

for one of her pregnancies and the risks involved of having it while pregnant (forgetting the

fact that I didn’t have it).  She went as far to say that basically, because of mine and my midwife’s

negligence, that I’m looking at having a stillbirth baby.  She predicted I was going

to have a dead baby.  Awesome.  Thank you.  That is JUST what I needed to hear at 30 weeks


Female B, mother of two, married and, well, that’s about

all there is to her.  At 31 weeks pregnant, female B, one day, told us

that I needed to stop seeing my midwife immediately and start seeing an OB at the hospital. (Why

all these woman  have something against midwives, I have no clue)  The reason for her insistence?

Because she had a dream that I died giving birth to my son at my midwife’s birth center.  Why was

she so hellbent about me changing my birth plan nine weeks before my due date over a dream you may

ask?  Because she dreams the future.  Let that sink in for a moment.  I’ll give you some time.  Yeah,

I’m laughing too.  This crazy person, wanted me to change MY birth plan because she dreams the future.

Thanks for predicting my death.  That’s JUST what I needed to hear nine weeks before my due date. Really.

Lastly, Female C. Single, can’t hang on to any friends,

and still lives with mommy and daddy.  Female C is also one of the two children of female B.  She

 had her own opinion’s to share regarding my unborn son.  She was one of the many who commented

on the same status update I made about gestational diabetes that female A had commented on.  Instead of

being in support, she felt the need to remind me (in my joy) that I shouldn’t get too excited about having

my baby, because for all I know, he could die.  She shared a story about a friend of hers who’s baby died

in utero just days before her due date and told me that I shouldn’t let go of the fact that something like that

could happen to me.  REALLY?!?!?!  really? REALLY? Really?!!

After Brecken’s birth and death, Torry and I have had to deal

with a lot of family drama- mainly involving all three of these females, plus one

of their husbands.  They just cannot keep their mouths shut in regards

to sharing their opinions.  Female C had the nerve to tell me, quote unquote, in a private message after Brecken had died:

“Here is me telling you I told you so. You think you know better than doctors and people that have

way more life experience than you do, look where that has gotten you.”

[In regards to Brecken dying, she was telling me ‘I told you so’ about the comment she left on my

status about not getting my hopes up of having a living, healthy child.]

What’s interesting about that statement she made to me is that it was because of Doctors interventions

that led to Brecken’s birth injury.  Not me, not my midwives, but the Doctors at the hospital.

But aside from all that, I just can’t help but think how sick these females are

to say such things.  I think that’s why it just doesn’t stop playing in my head.  I

just cannot get over how evil and hateful they all are.  And family of all people!

If there’s anything about Brecken’s life and death that has changed me, it definitely is

my level of strength in regards to dealing with such people. If I can climb my way out of

the tragedy of my son, then I can easily deal with and let go the major negativity that has been

lurking in mine and Torry’s lives.  It’s been a huge relief to not have any of them in our lives anymore.

When a woman gets pregnant, no one thinks about the fact

that negative things can and will be said and done to her.  I’ll be the first to raise my hand

of not ever thinking about this side of a pregnancy.  You could say I was a little naive to the fact

that there are cruel and hateful people out there that just cannot handle my happiness. I can’t think

of any other reason why someone like females A,B and C would do something like that.  What was

it about my happiness that they couldn’t share in?  Why did they feel the need to be negative towards me

and the newest member to join our families? I don’t think I’ll ever know that answer.

I hope with all of my might that something like this doesn’t happen to any of you who plan to have a baby.

Sadly, it’s inevitable for some women to go through it just as I have.  For those who  have,

I’m sorry you had to endure such negativity.  No expecting mother should have to deal with it.  None.


7 thoughts on “A little PSA

  1. I just wanted to let you know that i also did the blood to. and everything was fine. they are some very closed minded people !

    • The sugar concoction they make pregnant women drink just makes absolutely no sense! Of course shocking someone’s system of pure sugar when they were fasting for 12 hours will screw up their blood sugar levels. It kills me at how there are so many false-positives with that. The hemoglobin A1C makes much more sense. It looks at your blood sugar levels over the course the of the last 3 months. Clearly if you had an issue with sugar, it would show in that test. I was fine during my whole pregnancy and Brecken came out weighing only 6 lbs 10 oz. Clearly I didn’t have a blood sugar issue. Some people are just so caught up in what they only know and learned and refuse to look outside the box and accept that there are alternatives that are healthier for mom and baby. Some people like to live in the dark ages I suppose.

  2. I’m so sorry you have to deal with people that are just ignorant. It’s a shame that after everything you are going through they can’t be there for you. I saw in this post you mentioned that it was because of the drs that this birth injury happened. You may have already talked about it in a past post and I missed it but if you’re comfortable talking more about it could you explain?

  3. I guess I’m just wondering what it was the drs did or didn’t do that caused/contributed to the injury. It’s so scary how many things can go wrong and the trust that you have to put into people to bring your baby into the world. I read your post about the delivery and any other information about what happened you feel comfortable sharing would be wonderful. I’ve had friends that went the midwife way and others that went the hospital approach. I’ve always been torn between the two, you can contact me at gumweeds@icloud.com. Thank you

  4. Hi Sarah reading your story, I’m at a loss for words. We were pregnant at the same time and I think our babies were born within a few days of each other. I honestly don’t know what to say to you to make you feel better because I don’t know how I would react if I were in your shoes. In regards to your family for saying these awful things to you, you need to forget them. Just remember karma. They are awful for saying anything to a woman who is pregnant and if they are family they should have been there to support you, not put you down. I was told at 16 wks pregnant there was a mass near my babies vagina and they had to keep an eye on it. That’s not what you tell a first time mom and a pregnant woman. I was terrified. When my baby was born it ended up being a tumor the size of a golf ball. Imagine that on a baby only 6 lbs 14oz. My point is I don’t know you but I am very proud of you for sharing your story with everyone. I wish I did know you so I can be there to support you. I hope you do have other family you can turn to for anything and isn’t there to judge you. Erica

  5. I’m sorry you had to hear such negative words from these people. What they said was totally uncalled for and plain old rude. There is no way any of these females had the right to say that to you. I would have immediatley deleted and blocked these people. During pregnancy no mother should have to hear this.

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