This is going to be sort of
a PSA to anyone and everyone. This topic is one I take
to heart as I personally went through it and endured the hateful, hurtful words
from three separate people. Females to be exact with two of them being mother’s themselves.
The words they have spit at me have been replaying in my mind over and over and I just cannot get
over how anyone could say this to a pregnant mother about to have her baby. All three females
(I feel uncomfortable referring to them as women because none of their actions have been worthy enough
to be deemed as such) are [were] close to us. All three females are related to us.
Now let me tell you all something,
when a woman is pregnant, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Sure,
there are all sorts of fun times, like when you first find out, picking out names, decorating the nursery,
finding out the gender, seeing him/her on the ultrasound for the first time. We think about the happy future
we’re going to have and begin to dream of the life our child will grow up in. But we all also have many, many fears
that roll through our minds on a regular basis. Just because we are pregnant, doesn’t necessarily mean that all will
be well. There are miscarriage risk factors and endless possibilities as to something happening to our precious
cargos in utero. Just because we may have passed the typical ‘safe’ point, does not constitute a
guarantee that our child will survive a pregnancy.
Just to be extra clear, all pregnant women are aware
It is a constant fear we have no matter how good things are looking.
This is NOT something we need to be reminded of by others.
It seems, though, that
some people just don’t understand that, or the magnitude of stress a pregnant woman is under already.
Now, shockingly, as I said earlier, two of the three of these females are mothers.
Let me tell you about what these three woman have said to me in the last few weeks of pregnancy (and some
after Brecken had died)
We’ll start with female A. Mother of two, married, and pretty much cannot wait for her
own children to get knocked up just so she can be a grandmother. She had commented on my
Facebook status about my awesome results from my gestational diabetes test. This test,
however, was not done in the traditional way that most pregnant women get. It was a simple blood draw.
No nasty concoction to drink for me! I was super relieved because I had this fear that
I would have tested positive. I shared this joy with my Facebook friends. But female A, however,
took no joy in it (as most things throughout my pregnancy). She began to tell me how
the test I had taken was incorrect and that my midwives were not suited to be practicing.
Among the many things she had to rant about regarding the particular test I took, she also
began to tell me that diabetes runs in the family, supposedly my own mother had it
for one of her pregnancies and the risks involved of having it while pregnant (forgetting the
fact that I didn’t have it). She went as far to say that basically, because of mine and my midwife’s
negligence, that I’m looking at having a stillbirth baby. She predicted I was going
to have a dead baby. Awesome. Thank you. That is JUST what I needed to hear at 30 weeks
Female B, mother of two, married and, well, that’s about
all there is to her. At 31 weeks pregnant, female B, one day, told us
that I needed to stop seeing my midwife immediately and start seeing an OB at the hospital. (Why
all these woman have something against midwives, I have no clue) The reason for her insistence?
Because she had a dream that I died giving birth to my son at my midwife’s birth center. Why was
she so hellbent about me changing my birth plan nine weeks before my due date over a dream you may
ask? Because she dreams the future. Let that sink in for a moment. I’ll give you some time. Yeah,
I’m laughing too. This crazy person, wanted me to change MY birth plan because she dreams the future.
Thanks for predicting my death. That’s JUST what I needed to hear nine weeks before my due date. Really.
Lastly, Female C. Single, can’t hang on to any friends,
and still lives with mommy and daddy. Female C is also one of the two children of female B. She
had her own opinion’s to share regarding my unborn son. She was one of the many who commented
on the same status update I made about gestational diabetes that female A had commented on. Instead of
being in support, she felt the need to remind me (in my joy) that I shouldn’t get too excited about having
my baby, because for all I know, he could die. She shared a story about a friend of hers who’s baby died
in utero just days before her due date and told me that I shouldn’t let go of the fact that something like that
could happen to me. REALLY?!?!?! really? REALLY? Really?!!
After Brecken’s birth and death, Torry and I have had to deal
with a lot of family drama- mainly involving all three of these females, plus one
of their husbands. They just cannot keep their mouths shut in regards
to sharing their opinions. Female C had the nerve to tell me, quote unquote, in a private message after Brecken had died:
“Here is me telling you I told you so. You think you know better than doctors and people that have
way more life experience than you do, look where that has gotten you.”
[In regards to Brecken dying, she was telling me ‘I told you so’ about the comment she left on my
status about not getting my hopes up of having a living, healthy child.]
What’s interesting about that statement she made to me is that it was because of Doctors interventions
that led to Brecken’s birth injury. Not me, not my midwives, but the Doctors at the hospital.
But aside from all that, I just can’t help but think how sick these females are
to say such things. I think that’s why it just doesn’t stop playing in my head. I
just cannot get over how evil and hateful they all are. And family of all people!
If there’s anything about Brecken’s life and death that has changed me, it definitely is
my level of strength in regards to dealing with such people. If I can climb my way out of
the tragedy of my son, then I can easily deal with and let go the major negativity that has been
lurking in mine and Torry’s lives. It’s been a huge relief to not have any of them in our lives anymore.
When a woman gets pregnant, no one thinks about the fact
that negative things can and will be said and done to her. I’ll be the first to raise my hand
of not ever thinking about this side of a pregnancy. You could say I was a little naive to the fact
that there are cruel and hateful people out there that just cannot handle my happiness. I can’t think
of any other reason why someone like females A,B and C would do something like that. What was
it about my happiness that they couldn’t share in? Why did they feel the need to be negative towards me
and the newest member to join our families? I don’t think I’ll ever know that answer.
I hope with all of my might that something like this doesn’t happen to any of you who plan to have a baby.
Sadly, it’s inevitable for some women to go through it just as I have. For those who have,
I’m sorry you had to endure such negativity. No expecting mother should have to deal with it. None.