Hopefully Serving a Purpose

I’v been slacking.

I know.  I’ve been getting carried away

with other things and projects that I lose track of this.

It almost makes me feel like I forgot to take a pill.  My daily dose

of blogging.  I’ve noticed that I cling to the few things that make me happy or

give me a sense of comfort since everything that has happened.  I kind of feel lost and my days thrown off

when I don’t do what’s been keeping me going in the first place.  It reminds me of when I got slightly addicted

to working out a couple summers ago.  For the first time, I was working out on a very regular basis, watching what

I was eating but still enjoying the foods that I loved.  I lost nearly 15 lbs that summer.  I felt great, people were

noticing.

It was amazing, but I noticed that if I got carried away in my days or time spent hanging out with friends that I’d begin

to get worried and fidget.  For the first time in my life, I understood why people get addicted to working

out.  Not only does it feel rewarding to lose the weight, but the endorphins are amazing!

That’s how I feel about blogging.

I get fidgety and concerned if I don’t post one every day to every other day.  Blogging helps me

stay connected to everyone.  It’s also rewarding in that I feel like I’m serving a purpose.

I realize how new I am into this grieving world I’ve entered.  But I have loved

the couple of other mother’s who have sought me out for help.  In such a short amount of

time I’ve already learned so much.  It makes me happy to pass on what I have learned.  It’s half

the reason why I created this.  Because I knew somewhere, there was another grieving mother

like myself, feeling completely lost and alone in her feelings.  It is an instant connection

with that person who you discovered has suffered a similar, terrible loss.  You almost

already feel like you know them.  You want to hear their story so you can get a better

understanding of what you are potentially up against.

If my experience has helped just one person, whether it be to appreciate

their children more or to help through their own grieving process, then I’ve done my job

and this blog has served it’s purpose.

Currently, I’ve still been trying to perfect the art of couponing.  I’ve also

been working on creating a story/photo book of Brecken’s life from pregnancy, to birth, and death.

It’s going to take a long time to complete as I have so many complex ideas, but hopefully

one day I’ll be able to share the link on here for all to see.

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One thought on “Hopefully Serving a Purpose

  1. Sarah, I can barely express how your story and writing has impacted me. I know that I don’t really know you very well, but I am so touched by you. I cried for your family when I first read about Brecken. As you know we were pregnant at the same time so my entire pregnancy I would love to see your pictures and read your posts – I think because our babies were born so close together is why I feel your hurt so strongly. I just can’t imagine it. I loved my Emma before i ever met her and even more so once she was here – but Breckens story made me love her just that little bit more, to truly appreciate everything being her mommy means. I think its such a strange coincidence that even though I did her room kind of in owls, we brought Emma home wearing a onsie with one little colorful elephant on it and I would say to her “Emma and the Elephants” I even told Jeff I would like to write a children’s book with that title – all before Brecken was even born. My heart hurts for you Sarah, so much – I’ve wanted to write to you for a while now I just wasn’t quite sure what to say, or how to say it – I love that book you talked about in the post after this one – I remember that book very well and I sing that line to Emma, and I cry every time I do and don’t know why. I’ve lost so many people in my life and the thought of losing her just shuts me down and then I think of you – and I think of this quote that I read:

    “A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how awful the loss is”

    But what a lucky little boy to have you while he did – to be forever loved and cherished by such wonderful people. And how lucky your little ones will be in the future, I hope you have 10 big happy healthy babies!! You are such a wonderful mother, with so much to give a child and you gave your sweet little boy every last thing you possibly could. Thank you for sharing so much of your life, I will forever be changed and moved by your family and your story. I wish you and Torry nothing but healing and happiness ❤

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