Let me introduce you to “Mary Smith”

I’ve been a little absent in the blogging

world as I have been spending countless days and hours browsing grocery store ads,

and clipping coupons in hopes of eventually mastering the art of “Couponing” But I’ll save my adventures

with that for another post.

I’m not one who will usually post

my dirty laundry for the world to see.  Once in a GREAT while will that happen.

It’s none of people’s business when it comes to that and quite frankly, I don’t want to deal with that

kind of drama on Facebook, or the internet world in general.

But today….today is different.  Today I am speaking out and letting you all into my world

just a little bit more than what you would normally see. This is something that has been happening to Torry

and I since the passing of our sweet boy, Brecken.  While we’ve been trying to mourn our son in peace,

we have been harassed not once, but now multiple times by the same individual who’s been concealing their

identity with fake emails and Facebook accounts.  How do I know this person is using fake accounts and emails you

might ask?  Lots of phrases gave this person away.  There is no doubt or question as to my confidence in who

this person is.  YES, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, “MARY SMITH”!  Sadly, I am related to this person.  You heard

that right, related. The same person who deleted and

blocked ME from contacting

her, yet, follows my blog-a place I utilize to grieve and work out my feelings about dealing with the

death of my son,

and proceeds to continue her harassment through her attempts to comment on it.

(Comments have to be approved by me first before they show up on my blog which is why none of you have seen

them)

-Sorry, Mary Smith. *Insert sarcasm here*

Mature, right?  Oh it doesn’t end there either.  You think fake accounts, the harassment, and the fact that I’m related

to her is bad?  How about the fact that she is a middle-age woman with kids of her own.  Kids of her own,

yet, shows no compassion towards us at all for the death of our son.  The worst of it?  She

met my son.  That’s right, came to the Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee to meet my son (out of

convenience of her trip for a funeral….not because it was out of the kindness of her heart)   and

thinks she now has a right

to put her Polish, nosey, nose into our business and tell us how we’re supposed to grieve & tell us what we should be

doing with our time instead of mourning for our son.  She has suchWONDERFUL suggestions! Just wait and see!

*Insert even MORE sarcasm here*

Here’s her first harassment attempt.  This was in response to my blog post, “Another Baby”

This comment was under the name: Mary, with a return email address of: fixamerica@yahoo.com

(Everything highlighted bold in her comments was my doing to point out her false statements and accusations)

Also, keep in mind, this was within the week of Brecken’s passing.  A time where Torry

and I could barely function on any level.  A time of non-stop tears and sadness.

A time we were trying to work through the confusion of our loss.

Also, keep this quote in mind as you read.  This quote came directly from her in a Facebook

personal message before she started her harassment here on my blog.

“At any rate, I’m a slow learner but I’ve finally gotten the message from you and your mother, so

you needn’t worry about my meddling again.”

-Dated February 1st, 2013. Three days after Brecken died.

Oh really?  Then what do you call this, Mary?

(First comment dated February 14th, 2013.)

Sarah,Perhaps waiting a while and getting your lives ready for a child would be a better idea. Both of you need full time jobs, health insurance, life insurance, and money in the bank. You should have at least 3 months worth of your bills in a bank account before you have another baby. The tax payers of America should not have to fund your decision to have children when you cannot afford to take care of them. If you want children so badly, then work hard and get ready. Part of taking care of them is financially. Whether they are born healthy, or whether something goes wrong as with the case of your son, it is your responsibility to take care of the bills and the baby, not the taxpayers. If you both got started now looking for full time work, it would help with the grieving process by getting you thinking about something else everyday, (a job) and you’d be doing the right thing before getting pregnant again at the taxpayers expense. You need to be as ready as possible for any outcome.

Her second comment was also in response to my post “Another Baby”

(I’m assuming she wasn’t satisfied with the fact that her first comment never showed up, so she attempted another,

even longer one.  I’m also assuming it’s because she is lonely and has nothing else better to do with

her time)  It’s sad really.

This time, she goes under the name Mary Smith with the return email being: smithmaryjane@aol.com.

She also tried softening the blow by making it sound like she was a different person and that she was really sorry

and sad for our loss.

I’m assuming she thinks

 I’m an idiot and can’t put two and two together about her new email -lol!

If her first comment wasn’t already a dead giveaway as to who she was, this email address just lands my confidence

in concrete.  Mary-Jane is the name of her own mother.  My grandmother.  Pretty sick, hey?

(Second comment dated the day after her first comment.)

Sarah, You and your boyfriend have endured a great loss. My sympathies are with you both. Before making the decision to have another child, consider getting financially ready for the child this time. You both need full time jobs with benefits. Working a temporary job or a part time job with no benefits is not a good stable environment to raise a child. You and your boyfriend need to be financially responsible as well as emotionally and physically. Its costs a lot of money to raise a child, and if you are not ready for that, then you need to postpone the pregnancy until you are ready. Get a resume together and work hard to find a job. Save money, ensure that you have health benefits, ensure that while your home with the child that your expenses are covered This means health insurance and savings and a boyfriend that is still working . What just happened cost the taxpayers of america hundreds of thousands of dollars because you were not insured. It is your responsibility to take care of your child, not a whole lot of strangers who are being responsible in their own lives. Before having a child, you need to consider all possibilities, so having money in the bank and secure employment that includes health benefits is as equally important in raising a child as changing diapers and feeding them. You cannot continue to expect the tax payers, and the kindness and generosity of strangers to support you and your boyfriend and children you choose to have. Part of planning a family is to ensure that all of these things are taken care of before getting pregnant.It is socially irresponsible and selfish if because you want a child, to get pregnant and expect everyone else to support your family. Remember its not the government taking care of all your expenses, its the taxpayers of America who are being FORCED to support your child. Is that fair? What happens if you have another child in the same circumstances that you and your boyfriend find yourselves in financially right now? Who is going to pay when the baby gets an ear infection? Who is going to pay for your babies diapers? Who is going to put money away for your child’s college education?I’m a mother and I know what its like to want a baby. Fortunately mine are healthy. But if that hadn’t been the case, my husband and I would have been able to take care of our children ourselves. We made sure we could take care of ourselves and our children before getting pregnant, and that is what you should be doing. No one is entitiled to anything free from the government, and that is not what the intent was with government programs. It is there to help in the case of an emergency to be used sparingly and short term, not to be used because someone had an urge to get pregnant without any forethought.Think carefully.

And lastly, her third comment, in response to my blog post “Reading as a way to heal”

Also under the name, Mary Smith.

If you and your boyfriend got jobs, I mean actual full time 40 hours per week, permanent with benefits jobs, it would take your mind off things and make the both of you contributing members of society instead of staying at home and buying things from the generosity of others. Free money will end

Mary Smith comments without having the facts & without knowing the whole story to our lives,

which is something we do not need to be explaining to ANYONE.

But you know what? I feel like making her feel like the

biggest, sickest, heartless, selfish, nosey,

pathetic,  

miserable, arrogant, lonely, coward that she is.

So here goes:

Lets get a few things straight here:

Torry and I both had actual full time, 40+ hours/week permanent jobs

BEFORE I got pregnant.  Both jobs offered benefits, but we didn’t utilize Torry’s because of how expensive

it was.  I was around six weeks away from being eligible for mine when I found out I was pregnant.

Two weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I lost my job. (This was the end of May, 2012)

We went from being stable and on our way to benefits to now down to one income

and no benefits.  We both knew that we couldn’t survive that way.  I needed to work.  But who wants

to hire a pregnant chick?  In the meantime, I applied for Badgercare (medicaid) and got approved

because I was pregnant.  We were in an emergency situation. I was pregnant with no affordable health insurance

coverage. This was done as a backup, not as a primary, since I was seeing midwives.  Seeing my midwives didn’t

require insurance use.

What do you think we should have done, Mary Smith?  Gone off

to get an abortion?  Is that what you’re implying with my use

of medicaid?  That instead of being on it to ensure the health and safety of my child in a time of need

that I should have just gotten rid of him after losing my job?  Would that have made your wallet feel

better?

 At this point, I had already started seeing my midwives.  Here’s a bit

of knowledge for all of you who may not know, because CLEARLY  Mary Smith (who’s an LPN might I add)

has no clue at all for supposedly being the “Smartest & Wisest” person in the world.

Insurance doesn’t cover the cost of a practicing midwife.  

That’s right, the cost of our midwives was coming out of OUR OWN POCKET.  

The ultrasounds I had done to date the pregnancy and find out his gender?  Yeah, OUT OF OUR

OWN POCKET AS WELL. 

By time I was around 16 weeks pregnant I had finally gotten

a job as a waitress at Applebees. I worked that job until a week before I gave birth.

I had a normal, healthy, complicated-free pregnancy.  I never had to use my medicaid, or, “the tax payers of America”

as Mary Smith puts it,  until

October when I went to the ER for my kidney stones.  I didn’t

need to use it again until the day I gave birth.

By time I gave birth, Torry had 2 jobs he was juggling to help cover the

cost for when I would be home with the baby.  At that point, the money I was making from Applebees

would have only gone straight to daycare anyways so it wasn’t worth putting Brecken in one which is why I quit that

job all together right before he was born.

In early December, Torry had lost his salary paying job. I cannot even tell you

how many jobs a day Torry applied to after that. I cannot count how many interviews he went on

after that.  He wasn’t loafing around at home doing nothing.  He was actively hunting for a job to support

his family.  He eventually found one, but ended up losing that one when Brecken was born because they

didn’t understand his need to be home for the first few days with his newborn son.

We didn’t ask to lose our jobs.

We didn’t plan this on purpose to ‘milk the system’ and live off from the ‘tax payers of America’.

We didn’t plan for our child to be born dead and needing to be revived.

We didn’t plan for our son needing to be flown to the children’s hospital.

We didn’t plan for this prognosis.

We didn’t plan on bringing our son home to die.

We were in a series of unfortunate events.

Mary assumes that all we’ve been doing during (and after) my pregnancy

was a whole lot of nothing.  She thinks that we’ve been sitting back, sleeping in, and eating caviar like

a bunch of bums.  Last I checked, we spent my entire pregnancy being active contributing taxpayers of

America.  We were in an emergency situation and used medicaid for that purpose-just like Mrs. Smith, in her

own words, says

it should be used for.  Brecken’s need to be at the children’s hospital was an emergency situation. We used

medicaid for that emergency purpose, but yet one of her own kids was on state aid for

food stamps. I guarantee you it wasn’t under ’emergency circumstances’.  Pot calling the kettle black anyone??

Yet, she

wants to try to make us feel like white

trash because of our use of medicaid.  We weren’t on food stamps, we didn’t receive help with rent, we didn’t

receive

cash assistance or heat assistance.

We were far from being the low lives who piss away at the ‘tax payers of America’s’ expense that

Mary has been making us out to be.

I’m sorry,

but I see no problem with utilizing a government system that Torry and I have both contributed to.

That’s why it’s there, right?  That’s why we pay taxes towards it, right?

*Shakes my head*

Hypocrite….

Now, lets move on to the last thing Mrs. Smith implies.

Mary is angry and  jealous that Torry and I have amazing, wonderful, generous friends.  She thinks that

we have acquired the donations under false pretenses.  Apparently, she doesn’t believe that as we were

spending our last, precious days with our son, that our bills were going unpaid.  She doesn’t believe

that Torry lost one of his 2 jobs.  She doesn’t believe that we needed any kind of help.  She also seems to believe, that

we

are not spending our grieving time wisely.  She expects us to brush this off our shoulders and move on as if

we didn’t just have our lives torn apart.  According to her, full time, 40 hours/week with full benefit jobs

are growing on trees!!

What Mary also doesn’t know is that we are down to just one car.

Not only do I need to get back into the pool of working people, eventually, and when I’m ready, but we now have

the obstacles of trying to find jobs that coordinate with us having just one car.

So tell me again, Mary, how that is just so incredibly

easy to achieve??  Especially with Obamacare coming into act making

it harder to find a full time 40 hours/week job with benefits?

Our friends saw our need for help, and our greater need to be home with our son,

and then to have time for ourselves to grieve once he was gone, so they went out of their way to

start a donation site for us.  They rallied and worked hard to spread the word about our story

to lend a helping hand.  They couldn’t take our pain away, so they decided to give us the gift of worry-free time

with our dying son.  Money, bills and working were the LAST

things on our minds.

As they should have been.

Everyone understood that.

Except for you, of course.

As a parent, we put our child first, because as a parent, that’s what you’re supposed to do.

We are NOT spending the money we were given frivolously.

We are NOT cashing it out and rolling around in it in our bed.

 You don’t even know what this is like.  You’ve never lost a child.

Not even your imagination can get you close to what we are going through.

The death of a child is far worse than the death of anyone else in one’s lifetime, I can guarantee it.

So sue me for buying 2 books to help me grieve.

Sue me for spending my time at home learning to coupon to stretch our dollar.

Sue me for already going on interviews for jobs.

Sue me for Torry already going back to work.

Sue me because my friends sent us gifts.

Sue me because my friends sent us cards.

Sue me because my friends raised over $5,000 to help us out.

Sue me for having other people in our lives who have an actual compassionate bone in their bodies.

Sue me for grieving all together.

Mary,

you are sick and demented.  You are a lonely, old, crow who has nothing

better to do with your time than to stick your nose in other people’s business and tell them how to live.

You do not have a right to tell me and Torry how to grieve!

You do not get to tell us how to spend our money!

And you ESPECIALLY do not get to tell us when we can have another baby!

Quit taking YOUR unhappiness and loneliness with life out on us.

And you want to know something else Mary?

Your own mother, my grandmother, whom I never get along with, whom I haven’t talked to in over 2 years,

reached out to Torry and I.  She prayed for us.  She constantly asked about us.

She sent us a card  after Brecken died.

This woman, whom you have had nothing but horrible things to say about,

put aside her differences with me to tell me she was thinking about Torry, Brecken and I.

The estranged sister of yours? Also whom you have no good things to say about?

She sent us a card and an in depth letter telling us how sorry she was for us.

She took the extra time to write an actual, full length letter, not just a card to say she was sorry.

She has qualms with my own mother, but she put aside her differences with her to reach out to us.

How sad is it that these people who you despise,

have bigger hearts than you,

someone who I was closer to than either one of them?

Yet the only words I’ve heard from you after Brecken died has

been nothing but pure hatred and jealousy.

You’re falsely accusing off from assumptions and facts that you seem to be making up in your crazy head.

You even somehow thought that you weren’t invited to a funeral that hadn’t even been planned or talked about yet!!

-lol

*More shakes of head*

This, folks, is what Torry and I have had to be dealing with.  This isn’t

the only family drama that has occurred during our time home with our son.  But that’s a whole different story

and other people involved.  All of which lands us on no longer speaking terms with any of those involved.

It wasn’t a stranger who has been doing this to us.

It has been our own, close, immediate family.

How sad and pathetic is that?

How unbelievably selfish is that?

Precious moments were stolen from us while Brecken was still alive.

Precious moments were stolen from us once he had died.

We’ll never get those back thanks to deranged,  unhappy, low-life,

pathetic excuses of human beings.

Now, if you’ll please excuse me Mary,

I have a son to grieve for.

Shut your mouth, get your own life, and worry about your own damn problems.

My business is not your business.

You do not have a say in my life.

I will live it according to how I feel is best and what suits Torry and I’s best interests.

Your’s Truly,

Brecken’s Mommy.

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7 thoughts on “Let me introduce you to “Mary Smith”

  1. Good for you for exposing this person!! I didn’t realize it was someone you knew. That is just sick and twisted. You are absolutely right about people like her. She is bitter, angry, unhappy with her own life and carries hate in her heart. Many people like this resort to defense mechanisms called “projection” where they take the unfavorable qualities about themselves and project them on to other people. Clearly her statements toward you are a reflection of the things she doesn’t like about HERSELF. I see she also claims she is a mother. I feel sorry for her children.

  2. I am sorry you have had to deal with all of this, when all you should be dealing with is grief. Grief that is more than anyone should have to bear. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

  3. Sarah,
    I have been following your story since Polka Dot first posted Brecken’s precious pictures on facebook. I prayed every night for a miracle and when that seemed to be not God’s plan, then I prayed for a smooth transition for him to gain his angel wings. I AM a “hardworking tax payer” of wisconsin and I do NOT mind in the least to use some of my tax dollars to help pay for Brecken’s medical expenses.

    The way i look at it, I was blessed by the grace of God with healthy children and I currently have health insurance, however something could happen at any time that might require me to have to use tax payer money and if that ever occured, I would not want to have to feel guilty for it. You and Torry should not ever feel guilty for this. What a cruel and awful thing this supposed relative is doing to you. I hope that person knows that some day she will come face to face with God and Brecken and have to explain her actions, we might not be able to judge but God can.

    I hope you are able to grieve for Brecken in the way that works for YOU and get a job when YOU are ready for it and have another baby when YOU are ready for that. You have plenty of supporters who do not even know you pulling for you and Torry.

    God Bless and Mary Smith if you are reading this, take a look inside your self, is this the kind of support and compassion God would want from you?

    Sincerly,

    someone who doesnt mind sharing my tax dollars if I happen to be blessed with a job to do so.

  4. The worst part is that through your whole pregnancy, she was pretty sure that your son was going to die because you wanted to do things naturally… and she continually reminded you of that fact. Come to find out, it’s probably due to the hospital interventions that he died. Yet I’m sure she still feels as though she was right. There is no convincing someone like her that she’s wrong.

  5. Wow. What a bitch. Last thing you need is a person like her in your life. Good for you Mama. How do people exist like her…so sad..so messed up..makes me wanna come smack her right in her face.

  6. Sarah,

    How awful this must have been for you!

    First off, no matter how strongly your Aunt’s convictions about mooching off the system are, this would hardly be an appropriate time in your life for her to step on her soapbox, even if you WERE abusing the system, it is a topic she could easily have broached when time has passed and a bit of that raw grief has subsided.

    Second, it is quite apparent that you and Torry were precisely what that system was made for. A temporary use for an unexpected situation is exactly how and why you used Medicaid. For her to belittle you for using Medicaid and assume you are abusing its purpose when you had not previously been on it and have no history of “mooching” the system through other programs prior to pregnancy is a huge assumption on her part.

    Third, even if you two truly WERE the type of people who looked for “free money from the taxpayers”, that does not make your grief any less. I personally do dislike when people abuse government programs, but I would never judge a parent’s decision to have another child to aid the healing or coping process in the wake of such a tragedy, even if they knew they could not afford that child. You two deserve to be a little rash and not financially minded if it means a small bright spot in a very dark outlook right now. I don’t think the average taxpayer would ever begrudge you or Torry for having another child given all that you have been through, even if some of the costs were passed on to them. Ironically, you are still intending to get out and find another job, so she is again assuming that you will be pregnant and using Medicaid before you or Torry find a position with health benefits. That is again a huge assumption on her part, because you have no idea when you will find a new job or how soon you will conceive. Everything could fall right into place and be a non-issue, or you could remain unemployed and require assistance.

    Clearly your Aunt thinks she speaks for “the American People”, but the average American would be more understanding than your own family member has been. It is so sad that she doesn’t see how selfish, misguided, and cruel she has been and I am so sorry you had to endure that sort of treatment at the hands of a loved one and at such a fragile time.

  7. That is so horrible that people of that kind do exist. I am from country were it is government responsibly to protect you an people responsibility is to pay taxes so is something like that happen you can go to the doctor and not to be afraid that it will make you a bankrupt. Cost of medical help here is ridiculous. And it is selfish of your relative not to pay taxes so people would get normal level of live. I hope she will be some day in situation like that so she can learn how does it feel. You should immigrate to Canada where you can go to the doctor and get help and have the child without being afraid that you can afford to bring him to the doctor. I had an emergency C-Section there and it didn’t cost me a cent. No one even would think that I use the system. People should be kinder to each other.

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